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Just Because I’m Kind Doesn’t Mean I’m a Pushover

In a Facebook/Youtube/Instagram live I did last month (you can watch it here) I chose to speak about how my kindness can sometimes be mistaken for weakness. Of course, my kindness is a strength, though I know that some people who are strong in voicing their opinions might see my gentle approach as being a weak approach. The issue stems from the fact that historically, I have not wanted to engage in arguments; I really don’t like confrontation! So what can we do when we don’t want to fight with someone but we want our thoughts to be taken seriously? We can choose to stand up for ourselves by being kind and clear.


I’ve been asking my people on the ‘other side’ to help me with this over the course of the last year. Even though my NDE taught me how to live with self-love, there were still times when I would intentionally walk away from a confrontation; I would give in thinking that it wasn’t nice of me to argue. This was an old habit that was going to take some time to change! So, over the course of the last year, I realized I could be heard more if I didn’t ignore or sidestep the louder voices out there if I could find ways to express my opinion AND be kind at the same time. I have felt supported by my deceased loved ones in this respect — and it has been working! I feel my spirit people helping me with this by standing firmly with me when I say things like “I don’t feel that is right for me”, or “I didn’t like the way that conversation went, can we start over?”, or “I don’t hold the same belief as you, but that’s ok — I can have mine and you can have yours.”


There are many ways for me to be kind in the words I choose and the tone I use, and yet express my thoughts clearly and firmly. What I find when I do this is that I get a bit more respect out of the transaction, and energetically this charges me positively. I don’t have to sacrifice my kindness to be heard; my kindness and my confidence to express my thoughts clearly and calmly are resulting in many more positive outcomes!


Much love,

Anita






8 comentários


G L
G L
01 de nov. de 2023

Thanks Anita, that was really helpful. My Dad used to say "lets just agree to disagree" when we couldn't accept each others opinions. It meant we could love and respect each other even though we were in disagreement. Awareness of my body and breathing calmly and deeply really helps me to stay centered if I feel challenged by what someone is saying to me. love Sundai

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Vicente J Subiela
Vicente J Subiela
28 de out. de 2023

for me it is helpful to think that if the person is talking to me aggresively is because there is something wrong inside him / her. On the other hand, confrontation (in the sense of different opinions) is quite common; the ability of achieving a win-win agreement is sth. we can train and practice, provided that the other person wants an agreement too. Nonviolent communication offers several tools about this.

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This is so timely because Im in the process of changing this about me. First, take a breath and calm myself down. Once my brain gets oxygen, I can think to speak up kindly and clearly. Thank you Anita!! We can’t wait to see you on Jan in SD :)

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Beverley Young
Beverley Young
26 de out. de 2023

I realized a long time ago the importance of good communication skills. I have always believed you can say anything to anyone, you just have to choose the right words (and tone of voice) and not make it confrontational. Your examples are perfect. another trick is to start with the 'I' person. Such as "I'm having difficulty accepting that is the only solution", rather than saying "I don't think you are considering any other solution"...in any disparity, Immediately the word 'you' is spoken, it sounds like a criticism. Great insight, thank you.

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Vicente J Subiela
Vicente J Subiela
28 de out. de 2023
Respondendo a

good trick!

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This speaks volumes to me Anita - thank you :). I also totally dislike confrontation and generally avoid it at all costs. Until I feel like I am being attacked, then it’s a different story. :(. Thank you for your wise words on how to handle those times more effectively 💕

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