Creating A Consistent State of Self Love

I've decided to dedicate all of April to the subject of 'Self Love', because, as you've seen me repeat over the past few weeks, we cannot fill the world with love if we don't love ourselves unconditionally first! But when one of my Sanctuary members sent in an email asking, "how to get to the level of truly loving yourself", I realized I needed to take a step back and break down what self love feels like, what it is not, and how to make it your natural state of being. In this issue I'm going to focus on what self love looks like, so that over the next week you can begin to build awareness and see where you are on your journey.


As you may have noticed, I don't have a single definition for self love because it's totally individual. I talk about self love from my experience of what works for me, but you have to decide yourself what aspects of self love will help you embrace it (cherry pick from my examples and from any other exploration you do).

What does self love look like? You will notice that someone who loves themselves will:

  • Speak lovingly to themselves, internally and externally

  • Feel good about themselves, even when things aren’t going their way

  • Accept with gratitude, the things they have in their life

  • Allow all of their feelings, no matter what they are

  • Embrace reasons to smile and feel joy

  • Employ discernment for things that elevate energy

  • Be trusting and not worried or fearful when it comes to doing something for themselves

  • Love their soul and it’s unique journey

  • Do things that raise their vibration and bring joy

  • Say NO when they mean no, and not worry about upsetting others (won’t be a doormat to their reaction)


I know, looking at this list can be a little daunting because these list items represent the finished product. Someone who can check off all these boxes is really mastering their self love journey, but most people aren't here yet, and that's fine! It's like anything in life, we have to learn. No baby just stands up and starts walking. We don't hear one conversation in a foreign language and start speaking fluently ourselves. I am showing you the finish line so that you can start to walk the track. Use this list to start being mindful of how you treat yourself and if you're up for it, start practicing the items from this list.

Remember, self love doesn't happen overnight. There's no 'easy to swallow pill' to reprogram years of conditioning, but this is work worth doing and you will start to see results if you hold yourself accountable.

While you are practicing the things above, here are some habits to catch yourself in and resolve to change.

What does self-love NOT include?

  • Judgement of yourself in any way

  • Anger at not having enough (coming from a place of lack)

  • Being upset at being unhealthy, lonely or whatever other condition you are focusing on that is not ‘right’ according to you

  • Criticism and judgement of other people or things (this takes time away from self love)

  • Blaming someone or something for the position you are in; this is choosing to stay in victimhood. Acknowledge where you are, sure, but then move forward. (Also, when you blame x for y you are instilling judgement that is not conducive to self love)

  • Needing to control everything - let go so you can trust

I wish I had a magic spell that could get everyone in the world to a place of radical self love with the swish of my wand, but it's a personal journey. Use these lists to start becoming aware of your thoughts and habits, come at them from a place of non judgment and when you feel ready, recognize what no longer serves you, release and replace.

You've got a lot of homework this week lol!

Be patient as you practice and get better at self love. The great thing is, it's never too late to start!

Love, Anita